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the graduate

hahahaha ^^ no, it's not me..

as i'm sure most of you know, college graduation season is upon us yet again. and no, i am not graduating this semester. should i be? probably.

theoretically, if i had stayed on track with my classes, i would feasibly be able to graduate this semester. i enrolled in college with the intent of being a part of the class of 2011. but that's not happening. and i'm ok with it.

i enrolled in san diego state university right after graduating high school and attended college there for 2 full years. because of various factors, i decided to transfer to a school that was closer to my home town of long beach, ca. it was around this time that all the university budget cuts were happening in california, so the closest school i could get into was cal state university dominguez hills. it was no sdsu, but it would do.

i started attending csudh in fall 2009. it was ok. i was basically going just to get it over with. i never spent much time on campus. i made some friends along the way, but the kind that when they're out of sight, you're both out of each other's mind kind of thing. but that's ok.

for a couple of semesters now, i have been despising school. i am an english lit major and i hate it. i have always been good at english - spelling and grammar are my bitch, but i hate the pretentiousness of most english students in college.

aside from that, a degree in english lit, while it would be a degree nonetheless, doesn't really suit my needs anymore. i have a job that rocks and that i love, and while i do use writing skills to compose emails and spelling and grammar to help proof our catalogs, the knowledge i put forth, while being strengthened by my college experience, was not acquired in the classroom.

of course my parents are 'concerned.' i have a sneaking suspicion they're a little bit disappointed and worried, especially since my ex-best friend from high school is graduating this year. but - just because i don't have a diploma does not mean i am not college educated. i went to college from mid-2007 until mid-2011. that is 4 whole years of attending classes, doing the assignments, taking the notes, passing the exams. and i learned a lot in college! but i think my current school arrangement has done as much as it's going to do for me.

i do not plan on abandoning school altogether. i would like to stay at my job for a long while, since it's turning into a family business and all, so i'm thinking an associates degree in business administration or something of the like would be much more practical than an english literature degree that i can put on my bulletin board in my cubicle for the rest of my life. but i think i have put in enough work to not have to figure that out right this minute. people ask, and i just say that i'd like to enjoy my time off without trying to think about going back to school.

sharing these thoughts with my parents, even though i don't share with them the way i share with you all, was sooo hard. i felt like i was telling them i was pregnant at 16 or something. but going through this has made me realize a couple of important things;

i am an adult, and i am the only one who can make my decisions now

i am not less of a person because i don't like college right now

i am not any less intelligent because i am not graduating right now

i am not any different in general - in fact i am more in touch with my feelings and desires now that i've been honest with my friends and family about this

so, don't worry (step)mom and dad, you will see me do many many great things in my life and will have many opportunities to be proud of me.

and i am proud of myself for finally having the courage to speak up.

until next time..
<3 alaina

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