5 ways to reconnect with your lover

between all of my recent business trips, working 40 hours a week when i'm actually home, and randy's grueling 60-hour weeks, sometimes he and i feel like ships passing in the night. randy is unfortunately a snoring ship.

it is important that randy and i make time to spend with each other, otherwise i start feeling like i'm in a relationship with our dog instead of him. sex, love & liberation shares 5 great tips for reconnecting with your significant other..

1. turn off the tv..
while randy and i do spend lots of time cuddling in bed watching friends episodes, sometimes it's nice to turn everything off and just talk. we learn invaluable things about each other this way!

2. take a shower together..
this is obviously a much more sensual way to reconnect with each other.

3. give each other massages..
while the benefit of this is obvious (who doesn't like getting a massage??), this is also a great way to show your partner that you will take care of them. sometimes when i can't fall asleep, randy rubs my back and after a while i'm passed out. not only does it feel awesome for me, it makes me so happy to know that he's willing to do anything to make me comfortable.

4. talk..
conversation and communication are vital for a successful relationship. dig deeper than "how was your day?" randy and i discuss all kinds of things with each other including some things that would make me feel like an idiot if i said them to another person. it's all about verbal openness.

5. go out to dinner..
randy and i eat out a lot, but actually going to a restaurant for dinner is special for us. the article suggests feeding each other, but we're not really that couple. we have some of our best conversations over dinner!

what are some things you do to spend time with each other?

stayover relationships

i came across an article that had a headline that was something to the affect of the relationships that young people have these days are 'slowing the path to marriage.'

apparently, research shows that stayover relationships are on the rise. stayover relationships are committed relationships in which the couple does not live together. somehow, this results in delayed marriages for couples who maintain separate households.

so why are people staying over at their boyfriend or girlfriend's house and then going home the next morning? control. for these young adults that are "going against the social norm," one of the most attractive aspects of delaying 'moving in' is that they can control their possessions and the pace of the relationship.

want my perspective??

randy and i live together, which most of you know. i moved into randy's place 2 weeks shy of our 2nd anniversary. in our relationship, it is tough to say how things would be different if we didn't live together now, especially in the context of stayover relationships because i've never really lived on my own. after graduating high school, i went to san diego for college and lived in the dorms with a roommate for a year. then my second year i was in an apartment with 3 roommates, some of whom were revolving (it was a hellish experience, but that's another topic..). when i decided to move back home after 2 years is SD, i moved in with my parents, which came with its own challenges. then after living with them for about a year, i moved in with randy and his roommate left. so i've never kept a household on my own.

liz - my first roommate

obviously i would much rather live with randy over any of the other living situations i've had. but would i ever want to live on my own? i think i would want to, but in the end i don't know if i could do it. i know people who live completely on their own with no roommates and love it. but me, i get lonely so easily, that i don't think i could do it. with randy's work schedule being so different from mine, i'm alone a lot in our place so i get enough 'me' time, but knowing he'll be walking through the door 5 hours after i get home from work is so comforting.

as mentioned above, the reason people delay moving in with their significant other is control. do i feel like i have no control? sometimes. but to be honest, i attribute that to gender roles more than i do the fact that we live together. the next step for randy and i would obviously be engagement. but do i get to decide when that happens? no, because randy and i are far too traditional for me to ask him to marry me; i never saw myself down on one knee, no offense.

i think the thing that gets lost in our relationship is the 'newness.' yeah we miss each other all day and it's nice when we both come home each night, but going on dates isn't the same, having dinner together isn't the same, and sleepovers aren't the same as they were when we weren't both under the same roof. it's so easy to become too familiar with someone when you live with them, and i think that's the part randy and i are navigating through right now. i've been living with randy for about a year and a half, and the honeymoon phase is definitely over. when i was bringing my stuff from my parent's house, i wasn't thinking, "i can't wait to ask randy not to fart in front of me and to do his laundry every week." but one of the best parts about being with randy so much is that i'm also living with my best friend. every night we laugh and talk and joke around and make fun of each other. sure we could definitely still do that if we weren't living together, but there's just something about creating a household together that strengthens our commitment to each other and warms my heart about our relationship.

so do i wish we had a stayover relationship? nope. do i think living together is for everyone? nope. do i think randy and i are delaying marriage? i sure hope not.

10 ways to show your love

interacting with a slew of different couples at the wedding this past weekend made me realize that the way someone loves a person is completely different that the way someone else loves someone.. if that makes any sense at all.

randy and i aren't the love-note-in-his-lunch or 60-'iloveyou'-texts-a-day kind of couple, but we do show our love for each other in many different ways. we always make sure to greet each other with a kiss. we make fun of each other as often as possible, which results in great laughs that are just between the two of us. my favorite is that when we can't verbally tell each other 'i love you,' one of us will squeeze the other's hand three times, and the other responds with for hand-squeezes for 'i love you, too.' i remember when i was little, my dad and i used to do this to each other, and i integrated it into my relationship with randy, so this gesture holds a great amount of sentimental value for me.

while browsing online, i found this list of 10 different ways to show your love for your partner:

make a decision
this has to do with the power that a person only has within him or herself. you can decide to be open or closed off from another person. you can decide to be fearless. recognize the only control you have is over your own actions.

make food
make observations about the types of foods your lover enjoys and then start stocking them in your kitchen. the beauty of this tip is that it doesn't have to be anything fancy. for example, this past sunday, randy offered to make me breakfast, which is something that doesn't happen often because of our conflicting schedules. he made me scrambled eggs with turkey and brought it to me in bed, and i felt like a princess <3

give a gift
this does not mean trolling amazon until you find something you think you can impress your lover with. buy a small bunch of flowers and surprise your girlfriend at work. frame your favorite picture of you and your boyfriend for him to put on his bedside table.

give compliments
it's no secret this is a big winner with the ladies. commenting on how nice she looks when she gets home from work or how the new perfume she bought suits her will do you fellas a whole 'lotta good. but ladies, don't forget to return the favor. (dad: don't read this part) i love randy's butt - it's the cutest man-butt i've ever seen. so whenever i catch a glimpse of it, i tell him how cute it is and how much i love it, and i can tell it puts a little pep in his step.

give your appreciation
truly appreciate what you have and what the other person brings to your relationship. a good rule of thumb is to treat every gesture like it's the first time it's been done. if your girlfriend does your laundry every week, tell her thank you every week. and notice that she does your laundry in the first place. you can't go wrong.

make a gesture of your very own
do something special - something that you won't find in a relationship advice column or described in a greeting card. the article gives the example of a man cutting up his wife's food into heart-shapes.

be dominant
if you don't speak up in your relationship, you're not going to be actively involved in it, which will just piss the other person off. be in touch with your needs and desires and make sure your partner knows them as well.

be passive
you read this right - it seems as though this would be in direct opposition to the tip just above this one. this one really means letting your partner's needs be more important than your own. i strongly dislike when randy plays video games until 3 in the morning because i don't like being alone at night in bed - it's lonely! but sometimes i try and let him have his way - if the next day is his day off, he has every right to enjoy himself and play nba 2k10 or whatever. if i expect him to watch teen mom with me, i have to play by his rules some of the time too.

be honest
this one is perhaps the most sincere way to show your love for someone - being honest about who/what/why you are. randy knows that i'm super-passionate about my feelings and that i'm a complete control freak, and i know that no matter how hard he tries, there will be times when he can't help but to fart in front of me. yes those qualities sometimes bug us, but at least everything's out in the open, and that speaks volumes.

just show up
instead of calling, texting, emailing, or facebook-ing, get in your car and say what you want to say in person. in a world where technology rules us all, this one will win major points.

until next time..

<3 alaina

9 things to know about his man parts

according to this article, there are 9 things women should know about a man's happy stick:

1. don't call it a 'penis'
2. play nice and be gentle
3. compliment him on his 'tackle'
4. don't talk about your ex's penis, unless he was lacking in that department..
5. pay attention to the balls
6. circumcised men often contemplate what they're missing out on
7. if you tell them to manscape, they might use your razor
8. they don't scratch for pleasure
9. they'd like the woman to help with post-sex clean-up

until next time..

<3 alaina

what women want

i found this hilarious article about things women wish men knew. here are some highlights:

#5: I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

#11: I expect you to call me.

#13: I'm scared of losing my independence.

#17: If I'm not having sex with you, I'm . . . a.) . . . having a fat day. b.) . . . not feeling "connected" to you. c.) . . . blackmailing you to get something I want.

#27: I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.

this is randy's life:

#34: I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.

#36: I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you—and for you to recognize this.

#45: I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.

#46: Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.

#50: You should know all this and more without my telling you.

so funny! yet, so true..

until next time..

<3 alaina